It kills me to see what I’ve done.  I slept in my own bed last night, curled up into a ball trying to make the pain go away. it didn’t.  I know i’m alone. i have no one.  people are trying but they are not really getting through. i guess only you really got through.

My dad caught me buying cigarettes off a friend at 1:30 in the morning.  He doesn’t understand who i needed them so badly.  I’m not a smoker, i just wanted to have something that would kill me slowly.

I’m sorry. I love you, i know you don’t believe me but i love you. i will always love you and don’t you dare ever question it. i do care and ill always care.  I called everyone i knew and tried to get them to come over but they said you went responding to them and didn’t want to upset you further. i love you. i’m sorry . i love you. i’m sorry. i love you. i’m sorry.

I have never been so disappointed in myself

I have never felt so dead inside

i’m so fucking weak. i don’t want to be here and the first thing i think of is self harm and drugs. i’m so weak. i’m such a bad person. i’m…fuck.